How to Win Friends & Influence People

Lessons from How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

Don't criticize, condemn, or complain, criticism puts people on the defensive and accomplishes nothing positive
Give honest and sincere appreciation, people crave genuine recognition more than almost anything else
Arouse in others an eager want, frame requests in terms of what the other person wants, not what you want

Become genuinely interested in other people, show authentic curiosity about their lives and concerns
Smile, a genuine smile makes you appear more likeable and approachable
Remember that a person's name is the sweetest sound to them, use their name frequently in conversation
Be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves, people love discussing their own interests
Talk in terms of the other person's interests, focus conversations on what matters to them
Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely, everyone wants to feel valued and significant

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it, arguments rarely change minds and often damage relationships
Show respect for others' opinions and never say "You're wrong", this immediately creates defensiveness
If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically, taking responsibility disarms criticism
Begin in a friendly way, approach disagreements with warmth rather than hostility
Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately, start with points of agreement
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking, people are more convinced by their own words
Let others feel the idea is theirs, people support ideas they help create
Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view, genuine empathy builds connection
Be sympathetic with others' ideas and desires, acknowledge their feelings as valid
Appeal to nobler motives, assume people want to do the right thing
Dramatize your ideas, make your points memorable and engaging
Throw down a challenge, people respond to opportunities to prove themselves

Begin with praise and honest appreciation, start positive before addressing problems
Call attention to mistakes indirectly, avoid direct confrontation when correcting errors
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing others, show vulnerability and relatability
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders, let people reach conclusions themselves
Let others save face, preserve dignity even when they're wrong
Praise every improvement, even small ones, recognize progress to encourage more
Give others a fine reputation to live up to, people often rise to meet positive expectations
Use encouragement and make faults seem easy to correct, maintain optimism about change
Make others happy about doing what you suggest, help them see benefits and feel good about actions